Decisions of a Lifetime
by SerenaD
Summary: What's next in the life of El and Sands
1. Default Chapter

Decisions of a Lifetime Title: Decisions of a Lifetime Author: SerenaD Rating: R Pairing: Sands/El Disclaimer: Not mine, but I am asking for them for my birthday! Feedback: Yes please! Warnings: Graphic m/m sex Notes: Love feedback Summary: What's next in the life of El and Sands  
  
Chapter 1 The time had come. They had to decide what kind of a life they wanted to live. They had spent the last few days giving a lot of thought as to what was to come next. They knew they needed to talk about it, but they just hadn't gotten around to it yet. Too many things hung in the balance. Things they had thus far been unable to admit even to themselves.  
  
Up to now they had been busy taking down and finishing off the cartel. It had been a very eventful and violent lifestyle. They had traveled to the outer branches of the cartel's stronghold and they had lived to tell about it; even if they were a little worse for the wear.  
  
Sands could easily manage on his own, and El, up until now had been alone. Most of Sands' latest wounds had healed. El was back on his feet and feeling better everyday. They were still standing.  
  
They knew that it was only a matter of time until another group of men moved into the space left by this cartel's demise; and they might have to start again. Until then they could wait here or disappear. They were safe.  
  
El felt he was a burden to Sands. The cartels were more apt to look for him as he seemed to be a permanent name on their list. Sands however could go and they wouldn't look for him, if he didn't bother them first. Sands could leave and live a calm life; El was just the whirlwind that knocked everything awry.  
  
This is where they now stood, with a decision to make. Not an easy one for either of them. They had come to realize that there might be more to their story than just violence, death and destruction. They had feelings that neither was ready to face yet. Their life was yet to be complete.  
  
The closeness may have started out as a way of helping each other through the rough times, the hurting or the cold loneliness that threatened to engulf them. After a year they had grown comfortable with each other. They had leaned on each other, told each other things they could hardly admit to themselves. In nights of drunken melancholy they talked, listened and tried to forget, not just their own thoughts but those of each other as well.  
  
Sands had a need to feel loved, useful, safe. He knew he'd found these things with El. He was a vain man. He knew he was good looking, women and a few men had told him often enough. It was hard to think anyone would ever love him now; after what he was sure he looked like. He knew he was useless. Yeah, he could shoot and kill, but what good was that in everyday life. He wasn't sure what he could do if it didn't involved gunplay. He had a hard time feeling safe when he was alone. He had become very good at sorting out the sounds around him, but sometimes, he felt the darkness threaten to take him over and he would feel lost and alone.  
  
El was tired of being alone and had enjoyed their time together. He had a need to love someone, be useful for more than revenge and to care for others. All he ever wanted to do with his life was make music that would speak to people. That would bring joy, love and laughter to the world. He had found that twice; then lost it both times. He thought he had an idea on where he could find it again, but he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.  
  
They existed in a very quite, slow and easy lifestyle, when they were allowed to. They enjoyed working together in a garden they had started. El had helped Sands set up the kitchen so he could do most of the cooking, as it was a chore he loved to do and was good at. Sands was learning Braille, so he could read, which had been one of his favorite pastimes. El helped out some of the people in the village, doing odd jobs. He also worked on their house, as he could always find little things to fix. He had his music Sands. Such was their home life. It was never lonely, or boring. It was nice with just the two of them, a fact they had trouble facing.  
  
El played his guitar everyday. He started as soon as he got up of a morning; it helped to loosen up the stiffness in his hands and arms. Sands would fix breakfast and listen. Once he too could play the guitar. Something he'd learned for fun. He'd been good at it and enjoyed it. He hadn't picked one up in a long time and he was sure that this was a skill, like so many other sighted skills that was lost to him. He had no urge to try a lot of things that he was skilled at, incase he found that he would fail at them. Why bother.  
  
One day El came home with a new guitar he had bought from a man in the village. He was a new guitar maker and El wanted to give him a chance and see what kind of work he did. He sat down to tune it and for some reason was having a hard time bringing it to task. Sands couldn't stand it anymore. He walked over with an exasperated sigh, yanked the guitar from El's hands and slowly set about to tune it himself. He didn't even realized what he had done, until he was aware of El's stunned silence. But he continued without acknowledging him.  
  
When he was finished, he started to hand it back to El. El pushed it back, "I couldn't make it tune, I think it wants to be yours."  
  
Sands sat on the back of the couch and started strumming. He was hesitate at first then he found it all coming back to him. He played an old tune he could remember from earlier, happier days. It was beautiful, sad, haunting. El closed his eyes and listened. "I didn't know you could play. Why have you never picked one up before this?"  
  
"I didn't know if I could play anymore either, but I just couldn't listen to you butcher this one up any longer. It's good to know I can still do this." He said as he hit a very sour cord. He winced, frowned and tried to find the right one to no avail.  
  
El came up behind him, kneeling on the couch. He reached around to the fret board and tightened a string. He put his fingers on Sands' and showed him the correct cord. El's other hand went around Sands' waist. Sands leaned back into him.  
  
They sat there and played like that for a few minutes. As the song ended they realized what position they were in. They both moved away quickly. El sat down and Sands moved to the other side of the couch and sat in the opposite corner. 


	2. Chapter 2

Decisions of a Lifetime Title: Decisions of a Lifetime Author: SerenaD Rating: R Pairing: Sands/El Disclaimer: Not mine, but I am asking for them for my birthday! Feedback: Yes please! Warnings: Graphic m/m sex Notes: Love feedback Summary: What's next in the life of El and Sands  
  
Chapter 2  
  
They had touched before; in greeting, joy, cleaning of wounds. They had slept in the same bed when there had been only one. They had leaned on each other in times of hurt and suffering. But somehow this was a different type of touch, an electrical, mind blowing touch. It was filled with promise, hope, anticipation. Both had been around men that they were attracted to before. Neither had ever acted on it. They were men; too much machismo ran through their veins to ever let that happen. Now suddenly, things felt different, but strangely enough, it also felt right.  
  
El moved towards Sands. He reached a hand out tentatively; he touched Sands' sharp cheekbone. When Sands didn't knock it away, El felt emboldened, he moved his hand up to caress along the bone under his eyes. He moved to the other cheek, down to the chin, finally resting on his full bottom lip. Sands' lip trembled as he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue to swipe at the finger. He then sucked it into his mouth. El gasped, but moved closer and reaching for the guitar with his other hand, he moved it to the floor.  
  
Sands sucked on El's finger, swirling his tongue around the tip and pulling more of it into his wet, hot cavity. Sands reached out with his hands to find El's shirt front and used it to pull him closer still. He moved one hand to El's back and splayed his hand open across the small of his back, moving into the top of the waistband of his pants.  
  
El pulled his finger out of Sand's mouth very slowly, breathing hard he started to unbutton Sands' shirt, then remembering how much he hated all of the man's hokey cowboy shirts, he ripped it open instead.  
  
Sands' let out a growl, "Hey fuckmook, I liked that shirt!" "And I didn't." sneered El, as he pulled Sands into a reclining position on the couch and climbed on top of him.  
  
Sands started to utter something more, when it was cut off as El's mouth established a firm hold on his own, their tongues fighting for dominance. El played with one of the brown nipples under him, caressing it to an eager point. El tasted like cordite, leather and smoke. Sands was overflowing with tequila, peppers and smoke. Comforting flavors, all of them.  
  
They were both surprised by what they felt. Nothing about what they were doing could be deemed wrong; everything seemed to fit into place. This was right; this was good, this is how it should be. Electrical charges ran through their veins instead of blood.  
  
With lungs to the point of bursting from lack of air, they wrenched apart. Not for the first time El wished to be able to look in Sands' eyes to read his reaction. Even after all the days they'd spent together, having watched and learned the subtle nuances of Sands' face and body language, it was hard to interpret what he was thinking all the time. This was one of those times. Sands didn't move or speak. El waited. No gun, that's a good indication that Sands wasn't mad.  
  
Finally with a smirk Sands sighed, he knew what El was waiting for so he started the dialogue, "Well, I've always wondered what that would feel like." He moved his hands from in between them and touched El's face to feel his response to what had just happened.  
  
El had spent the last year having Sands touch his face to read him, it had taken awhile, but he was use to it now. This touch was different; it was stoked with thrilling surprise. He steadied himself as he let the fingers roam over his expression. He smiled and kissed the fingertips as the grazed past his lips. When they pulled away, he dropped the smile and went back to a more realistic, dazed look. They both felt more taken aback than they were willing to share with each other just yet.  
  
The way they were laying they could fell their erections pulsing against each other. Sands wiggled, feeling embarrassed under El, "Shit, El, You're really heavy; maybe you should skip breakfast this morning." El chuckled and moved to get off him, but Sands pulled him back not yet wanting the contact to end, "Wait, come back here, I didn't say I didn't like it!"  
  
El shifted so that his weight wasn't fully on top of Sands, but moved his leg up instead; their straining bulges no longer touching, but rather now pressing against their thighs. He applied pressure with his leg as he asked, "Well, what do you think we should do now, continue or stop?"  
  
"If we continue the biscuits will burn and I was just starting the gravy, so I guess it depends on how much you want to clean up burned pans, or on how hungry you are. Hell, maybe I should rephrase that to what you are hungry for."  
  
El felt a hot flush fill his face, he joked it away. "I am very hungry for two very different things, but unless I eat first I may not have the strength to fulfill the second."  
  
"Okay then, get off me and let me finish cooking so we can eat. We should probably talk about this a little bit anyway." Sands muttered the last part under his breathe as he pushed against El's chest. El stood up, pulled Sands along and they walked into the kitchen in a prickly silence. In lieu of a shirt Sands put on his favorite apron, it said 'Don't Shoot the Cook' on it. Sociably they finished the preparation and sat down to eat. They ate in silence, each contemplating their own actions.  
  
After the dishes had been washed, they sat back down at the table, as this seemed to be more neutral ground and a better place to talk after what had happened on the couch. They sat lost in their thoughts before Sands finally broke the reverie. "I know that talking is not your strong suit, but this isn't something that I can do alone. I have to know what is going on in your head, the good and the bad."  
  
There was a silent shrug from El's chair, he restlessly ran his hands through his hair and laid them folded on the table. Sands laughed, "Fuck, I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but you really have to help out here, old buddy."  
  
Again, just silence. Sands reached out a laid his hand on top of El's. El didn't pull away so Sands took that as a good omen. He knew he was going to screw this up, but he also knew that he couldn't depend on El to suddenly become articulate. 


	3. Chapter 3

Decisions of a Lifetime Title: Decisions of a Lifetime Author: SerenaD Rating: R Pairing: Sands/El Disclaimer: Not mine, but I am asking for them for my birthday! Feedback: Yes please! Warnings: Graphic m/m sex Notes: Love feedback Summary: What's next in the life of El and Sands  
  
Chapter 3 Sands' mouth twitched into a nervous smile, "Okay, okay, since you started it on the couch, I guess its mine turn to start it now. What the hell were you doing?" El jerked his hands in an agitated way, but Sands tighten his hold on them and quickly continued. "Fuck, El, what now? What are we supposed to do now? I'm not sure if you noticed, but I really liked what we just did. And judging from what I could feel, laying there under you, I can only assume that you did too, am I right?"  
  
El moved his hands until he was holding Sands, "Yes, but damnit, Sands, I don't know if we should be feeling anything."  
  
Sands laugh, "I really like it when you are unsure. I very seldom get to see this side of you. I could get use to it." He stopped and thought for a minute, trying to decided how much to reveal. Then with his heart on his sleeve he forged ahead. "I know that for me, this has been a long time coming. I didn't know how you felt and I really didn't want to get shot trying to find out. I wanted to do that sometime ago." He chuckled apprehensively.  
  
El squeezed Sands hand encouraging him to continue. He wasn't sure he trusted him self to speak just yet. Sands took this signal for what it was and with a deep breath went on. "I've never had feelings for a man before. But a year without a woman and with the way I look, the years ahead don't look to promising either, I wasn't sure if I was really feeling this for you or if it was just a symptom of my lost sex life. You, well you're able to go after what you want, you don't have to look to me to help your libido along. If you want to leave, or you want me to, I'll understand, but I guess I should tell you that I'm sure about what I'm feeling and I'm definitely feeling it for you, but there has to be mutual collusion between us." He pulled in a shuddering breath and held it, waiting for El to speak or leave.  
  
El sat in a stunned silence. He knew Sands was waiting for him, and he knew he had to say something. He admitted to himself that yes, he had been having feeling for Sands, he was just so bewildered to find out that all the time Sands had been having the same emotions for him. He knew he'd better say something meaningful and say it soon, but unlike Sands he could never babble and make it sound profound. El tightened his grip on Sands' hand and decided to try.  
  
"I'm glad you liked it, I can do better." Okay, so not profound. He pulled himself together and persisted. "I'm not as good as you at talking, but I think I can tell you how I feel." and with a swift motion he was around the table and had Sands folded in a death grip, kissing his mouth so hard that he tasted the tinny taste of blood. He fought to control his passion wanting to make this moment last. His lips soften on Sands'. Their tongues swiping at the insides of each other's mouths, reevaluating the tastes they found there.  
  
El started down the ridged cords of Sands' neck; nipping and sucking, leaving teeth marks. Sands took a deep breath, "Damn El, you really do know how to communicate!" He giggled as El bit his collarbone. "Hey, that tickles!" El moved on down to his chest, but was blocked by the apron, he turned Sands around and untied the belt and pulling it over his head. He sucked on the back of Sands' neck, moving slowly along, leaving a trail of red spots. Never taking his mouth from Sand's shoulders, he put his hands on Sands' cut glass hipbones, pulled him to his chest. El could feel the heat surging off Sand's back. He felt his way to the front to of his jeans, unbuckled the belt then proceeded to unfasten the jeans. He slipped them down and off.  
  
Sands stepped out of his jeans and turned around in El's arms, "My turn." He pulled El's t-shirt over his head and raised arms, biting on El's neck, shoulders and chest. He undid his belt and jeans; as he pushed them towards the floor he started to kneel down. He kissed his way down El's body, paying careful attention to the neck, and nipples. Down to El's thighs and then Sands ran his tongue along his legs, tasting the salt, and skin there. He ran his hands back up El's legs headed for his large, rigid, purple cock. He swallowed El's cock in one movement, causing him to cry out. Sands backed off sucking as he went. He played for a few minutes, running his tongue along the sensitive underside of the cock. Tonguing the slit at the head and sliding all of it back into his scorching, welcoming mouth. El put his hands in Sand's silky hair all the while making keening noises, as Sands established a steady rhythm. Sands kneaded his sac and soon was happy to feel them draw up. He readied his mouth and throat. It didn't take long. El came hard, roaring at the sensation, snapping into Sands' willing mouth. He saw a bright radiance and brilliant colors; he was sure he could see at last. Sands licked him clean and stood up.  
  
El was the first to speak, "It's hard to believe, but I guess there are some things that you can do better with that mouth than talking." Sands snorted as he nuzzled into El's neck. Sands mumbled something but it was lost in the folds of El's neck. El grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, "What did you say?" Sands gasped, "I said, maybe next time you can do all the talking!"  
  
El started maneuvering them backwards towards the couch, "I want more of you, do you think we are ready for this?" he asked with a low throaty voice. "It will change everything you know." "Yes, no, I'm not sure." croaked Sands indecisively. Sands waited until he felt El's legs stop at the edge of the couch, he shoved El down and said, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He turned and headed off to the kitchen, he returned with a bottle of cooking oil and a towel. He took the lid off, poured some of the oil into his hand; he proceeded to coat his fingers, and then placed them at the opening of El's body, all the while nipping quick bites at El's thighs. "I'm ready now, how about you?" Sands grinned wickedly, pushing against the opening. El groaned and tried again to think of something profound to say, coming up with nothing, he pushed towards the fingers and answered, "Get on with it."  
  
Sands pressed slowly and carefully in; one finger, waiting for El to adjust, two, scissoring around to stretch, three, finding that hidden spot that would make El scream for mercy. And scream he did. Lights flashed and became a luminous heat as Sands' fingers danced inside of him.  
  
"More.now." El begged. Sands pulled his fingers out, making El whimper and bear down in need. Sands laughed evilly, he moved up to kiss his mouth, sucking all of the air from El's lungs, his tongue plunging deep into El's mouth. He moved down his neck, leaving teeth marks. He laved at the taut nipples, biting hard on each one in turn, listening to El curse his family line. Taking his time, he moved slowly downward. He jabbed his tongue into El's bellybutton, watching El hip thrust into thin air. He tongued the head of his powerful, conspicuous cock and blew air on his balls after licking them. One hand never stopped moving as the other reached for the oil and poured some over El's crack then Sands coated his cock and finally positioning himself at El's entrance. El tensed, but Sands' hands roved over his body kneading and rubbing until he relaxed. Sands push into the tight hole a very slowly, stopping every few minutes to let El adjust to the size filling him.  
  
El drug a shatter breath into his lungs as Sands started to enter him. He tried to relax, but he discovered it difficult. Sands took his time and pressed gently, slowly in. El found the burn painful, he felt filled beyond capacity, but he had an urge to push back and take more of the large cock.  
  
Reading each other with hands, mouths, tongues and teeth, they each knew when the other was at a threshold of release. Sands' strokes became faster, harder, caressing El's prostate with every advance. El opened up to him, spreading his legs more, enjoying the blinding touch. As Sands neared orgasm he reached down and grasped El's already firming cock, running his hand up and down the organ, making El mewl in delight of the dual stimulation.  
  
They orgasmed together, shouting their liberation. Sands knees buckled, El caught him and pulled him to rest on top of him. They lay there in a post- orgasmic high, waiting to be able to breathe and see and hear again.  
  
"El, old boy, I like the way you communicate." Sands grinned. "Anything else to say?" Sands' hands never stopped fondling and petting El face and upper body. El knew it was useless to talk, he just purred in response to Sands attentions. He pulled Sands closer and held him as his cum sealed them together, like sealing the wordless deal they were making for the rest of their lives.  
  
Yes, they knew the time had come for them to decide what kind of a life they wanted to live. It had been a much easier decision than they had imagined. Their life, outside of these walls, would be violent, wild, never boring; but on the inside it would be kind, loving and most of all never lonely. 


End file.
